Alternative Jobs for Players During the NBA Lockout
The NBA labor dispute is slowly, yet surely, amputating the 2011-12 basketball schedule of games. After the player’s union rejected the latest proposal offered by Commissioner David Stern and NBA owners earlier this week, all involved are left wondering what happens next. There is no end in sight. Games are cancelled through mid-December, and the possibility of any games being played this season is shaky at best. Considering the lifestyles many ballers are known to lead, along with reputations for being negligent in terms of managing finances, many players are definitely going to need a side hustle to keep those checks coming in.
Here’s a short list of interim gigs for some of the NBA’s unemployed:
Kris Humphries, Relationship Counselor: 
Don’t let the number fool you. In those 72 days as a married man, Kris Humphries gained more experience than some people married twice as long, if not longer. Having communications problems in your relationship? Go see Kris. Trust issues? Kris is the man to help. Now that he’s been released of his Kardashian lap dog duties, who better to give advice on what not to do? Who else could lend a more sympathetic ear and help the two of you work through the ups and downs that all couples face? The one thing many seek in counseling is an empathetic voice of reason, and at this point, I don’t think anyone else in the world could feel your pain more that Kris Humphries.
Dwayne Wade, Celebrity Manicurist/Pedicurist: D. Wade has the hot celebrity girlfriend in Gabrielle Union and has transitioned his style repertoire to that of elite status among fellow athletes. 
This was recently exemplified in the spread that he shot for the November issue of GQ. Upon reading the article, though, Wade caught the public’s attention in revealing a surprise foot fetish of sorts. He actually stated that he once painted his toenails black. Make no confusion: there’s nothing wrong with male grooming in the form of mani/pedis. However, unless you are Lenny Kravitz, cease and desist on the black toenails—or any other color—immediately.
Wade certainly raised more than a few eyebrows with this admission of sampling the latest hues of OPI products. But it also seems that somehow stumbled into a new professional calling to weather the lockout. If all else fails, Dwayne Wade can become a licensed nail technician. South Beach is bound to offer a limitless market of clients, especially among his many celebrity friends. If Serena could get her license and work on Oprah’s feet, then why not Dwayne?
Ron Artest/ Metta World Peace, Politician: The NBA lockout could not have come at a more perfect time for this guy. Ever the Renaissance man, the former Ron Artest has been filling his time with everything from comedy tours to social ventures to firing shots at Michael Jordan. And as the campaign trails heat up with next year’s upcoming election, he would make the perfect candidate for political office. With his legal name change to Metta World Peace a few months ago, he is certainly primed for success in politics. His campaign slogan could easily be “Give Peace A Chance.” Who would not vote for him? He’s charming and rather unpredictable—everything we’ve come to expect in our government leaders. Vote Metta World Peace in 2012.
Matt Barnes, Reality Show Star: Sure, he has had an extended run on Basketball Wives. But considering that the relationship of Barnes and Gloria Govan has suddenly screeched to a halt, he’ll certainly be needing another source of airtime to maintain those direct deposits from VH1. If Shaunie O’Neal is really a shrewd businesswoman, she’d seize the opportunity and pitch another BBW franchise spinoff, this time centered around the life of newly single Matty B. Think The Bachelor meets For the Love of Ray J, with a dash of I Love New York. And the celebrity cameos would truly be endless. From Lakers teammates to Eva Longoria, this show would have it all. Lights, camera, action…
Honorable Mentions:
Derrick Rose, Speech Therapist: You know, since he likes to talk so much.
Joakim Noah, Medical Marijuana Activist: Duh…
Stephen Curry, Kindergarten Teacher: Perfect man for the job
Ben Wallace, Club Bouncer: Have your I.D. ready.
Dwight Howard, Vegas Lounge Act:You saw him sing in the “Fast Don’t Lie” commercials. Need I say more?
—Post by Charisse Lambert
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